the mentalist oneshots
by thatpotterfreak
Summary: a collection of one shots that wander into my head that i cannot be bothered developing. rigspelt like normal, but if jisbon sneaks in, im not stopping it! also contains janes typical musings rated T incase i feel brave enough to write smut and cursing
1. halloween part 1

**Disclaimer: don't own it, as much as I want to, I own a lot of homework though, you reckon Bruno is willing to swap? No? Never mind**

**A/N felt like writing, just not one of my ongoing stories, I get like that =] so here is a whole thing dedicated to oneshots, rigspelt of course, but if jisbon wants to sneak in, who am I to interrupt?**

**Halloween**

It was Halloween, and the serious crimes unit hadn't had a case in a week, causing everyone to be especially irritable when it came to Patrick Jane. Lisbon was sick of his ongoing pranks, including origami ghosts literally popping up everywhere, the most recent one out from behind the coffee machine. Grace surprisingly found herself wanting paperwork; it at least gave her something to do, like Lisbon, who got to deal with all Jane's complaints from his various _interesting_ ways to close cases.

'I'm going for a walk' Jane announced getting up and putting coat on

'Where?' Lisbon asked

'Oh, around' he replied

Lisbon rolled her eyes and continued her paperwork

An hour later Jane returned with a rather mysterious black bag behind him

'Jane, what's in the bag?' Lisbon asked

'You have to stop working'

'Ok, fine' she said, putting down her pen

'You have all been working too hard, tonight is Halloween, we are going trick or treating' he announced

Lisbon raised an eyebrow

'You serious?' She asked

'Yes, of course'

'Aren't we a bit, old?

'No, course not, no one is too old to trick or treat, besides, it's free candy, I'm sure Rigsby agrees with me, right?

'Um, I like the free candy part, but Lisbon does have a point' he said

'Nonsense, I even have all your costumes'

'Ok, what are they?' Lisbon asked

'Well, Rigsby, you will be a werewolf, Cho, Frankenstein, Grace, a devil, and Lisbon, you will be a vampire'

'And what are you?'

'Zorro' he said

'Hey, there is a Halloween party downstairs' Grace said

'See, free candy and a party, come on Lisbon, please?' he said

'Fine, but if we get a call, we are going'

'Of course' he said smiling

Grace grumbled at the length of her costume, Jane was thinking like a male, but more like Rigsby when he was feisty, she found a pair of black tights and put them on for modesty. She let her hair hang loose and slipped into a pair of red heels, wondering what the night had installed.

Rigsby hated being big sometimes, the stupid costume was too tight and he felt like Chewbacca, not a werewolf, he just hoped grace liked it.

Cho put his costume on without a word, in a very Cho-like manner. He called his long time friend, Lara, to see if she wanted to join him, she had been to CBI events before and knew all about Jane, always a plus.

Lisbon couldn't believe she had let Jane talk her into this. She put on her costume, complete with teeth and groaned, she looked stupid, no doubt Jane would say she looked lovely, which would make her blush, dammit that man infuriated her, especially when he made her heart beat a million times a minute, and her stomach do flips like it was at the Olympic gymnastics or something.

Jane smiled as he slipped his Zorro mask on, he knew tonight was going to be fun, and he was going to make it fun for Lisbon especially.

They met back up in the bullpen, ready to go down to the cars. Grace had found a place where adults went trick or treating, so they wouldn't look completely stupid. They walked along the first street, and met up with Lara, who Grace got along with. They went up to the first house and knocked on the door.

'Trick or treat' they called

A police officer opened the door

'Lisbon?' she said

'Hello Heidi' she said embarrassed

'And this must be your team' she said

'Yea, except one extra'

'Here, have some candy' she said passing them the dish

'Thanks' she said

'See you around' Heidi called out after them

'Well that was embarrassing' Lisbon said

'Oh dear Teresa, I'm sure you won't know anyone else' Jane said

But his judgement was, for once, wrong, they were in a heavily cop resided area, and nearly every house, Lisbon knew someone in it.

'Can we just go to this damn party now?' she asked

'Very well' Jane said

They all climbed into the van, Lisbon hitting her head against the dash.


	2. halloween part 2

**Disclaimer: don't own it, like many things in life =[**

**A/N well, here is the rest of Halloween =] sorta forgot to write it lol. Jisbon somehow snuck up on me when I wasn't looking, but don't worry, rigspelt still dominate! Read and review....**

They all arrived back at the CBI building sometime after. Lisbon was still slightly embarrassed about the whole cop run in, but was glad the next party was actually meant for adults. The team was sat around a table, each with drinks, Cho and Lara had gone off together, and Jane had managed to convince Lisbon to dance with him, leaving Grace and Wayne alone.

'Grace, do you want to be here now, or would you rather go somewhere'

'Do you think Lisbon will care if we ditch?'

'She doesn't want to be here anyway'

Grace stood up, grabbed her bag and pulled Rigsby along and out to the elevator. They stood there waiting for the elevator when they heard voices coming down the hall, Jane and Lisbon, they hid around the corner.

'Jane, I want to go home, now'

'I'm sorry Lisbon, I didn't know Bosco would react that way'

'Of course he would, I hate you sometimes goddammit, just be glad I don't have my gun on me'

'So, if you don't have your gun on you, you wouldn't shoot me if I did this' Jane said, closing in on their bosses lips

'Shoot, now I owe Cho 10 bucks' Rigsby muttered, which earnt him an elbow into his ribs

'JANE!!!' she screamed

'Now, now, Lisbon, you kissed me back, oh and Grace, Wayne, you can come out now if you want, I don't blame you for leaving, the party was a bore' he said

Grace and Wayne sheepishly stepped out

'Um, hi boss' Wayne said, Grace kept her eyes to the floor

'Hello, and I swear to god, if any of you say anything, I will shoot you to china and back!' she growled

'Yes boss' they said, as the elevator arrived. They stepped inside and cracked up laughing

'Oh my god, I didn't think Jane had that in him, and to think Lisbon kissed back!' Grace said laughing

'You wanna know what I think?'

'Sure, what?'

'I think that we can do a lot better than them'

'I second that notion' Grace said closing in on his lips

They drove back to Grace's and Rigsby had her pinned up against the wall

'Dammit, you cheeky devil, I hate Jane for tormenting me with this tonight' he said hoarsely in her ear

'Oh, I can remove it if you want'

'Gladly'

She pulled off the dress and tights, at the same time Rigsby took of the ridicules werewolf suit. Rigsby scooped her up and kissed her as he placed her on the bed.

'I love you Grace Van Pelt' he said, kissing her beyond belief.

**A/N I got another one shot idea, let's just say it involves Jane, whipped cream, Lisbon and a camera, it will be more of Jane's 'musings' then romancey stuff, I need a break from it, it is reminding me that I don't have a love life =[ I don't because unfortunately for me, Wayne Rigsby is a fictional character, Garr**


	3. picture day

**Disclaimer: I owned my brother a lot today, but I don't own the mentalist**

**A/N a more jisbon story, I promise rigspelt will pull through more in the next chapter =] this came to me a while ago, I have only now written it though, and I am thinking of using the start of this for one of my other stories, I don't know, anyways, I am rambling... read and review...=]**

Picture day

Patrick Jane smiled as he read the notice being passed around the bullpen, the next day was to be picture day at the CBI, and like always, it provided a perfect bet for his antics. He took the note into Teresa Lisbon's office and stood there, rocking from his heel to his toe for a while, until she looked up.

'What?' she said irritated

'It's picture day tomorrow' he informed

'I know Jane, I have seen the notice, now, can you go annoy someone else, I have a lot of paperwork to do thanks to you' she said exasperatedly

'You sound irked'

'I am irked, now please Jane, let me sort this out so they don't sue you'

'Oh, they will not sue, I caught their killer'

'And at the same time you broke about half the statues in their garden that were worth about half a million'

'Meh'

'Meh all you want, just do it somewhere else, please'

'Yes ma'am' he said, bowing as he left.

*

The next day the whole team turned up dressed nicely, Lisbon even had a skirt on, but she had dress pants to change into of course. Grace was running late, and was in the elevator, when it was stopped short, and the doors opened, and Rigsby walked in.

'Morning Grace' he mumbled

Grace smiled, he was mumbling as there was something he just couldn't get quite right

'What's wrong?' she asked

'Tie won't go right' he admitted

She took a look, it was perfect, she laughed

'Silly, your tie is fine, you are just nervous about picture day, why might that be?'

'You will laugh'

'I promise I won't'

'No, you will, I'd laugh at myself'

'Ok then spit it out'

'I was trying to impress you'

Grace smiled, but didn't laugh

'Wayne, you don't need to do that'

'I know, I just wanted to get it right'

'Well, you are doing a brilliant job of it if that helps' she offered

He smiled sheepishly 'Thanks'

She leant in and kissed him

'Keep up the good work

*

The team had arrived and were sat in front of Lisbon's office. Jane had been behaving rather well, a telltale sign he was up to something. Grace and Lisbon were sat at the front and Cho, Rigsby and Jane were sat slightly higher up. The photographer had the camera at the ready and was poised to take the picture, when out of nowhere, bubbles started filling the room. Lisbon spun around

'JANE GODDAMMIT!' she yelled

'Don't look at me' he said, trying to be innocent, but she saw straight through him

'LIAR!' she said, getting up and chasing him around the room, the exact reaction he wanted

She got him cornered up by his unused desk and was ready to hurt him, when an origami frog, once again, literally jumped out at her, giving her a fright, and taking herself off guard, giving Jane the perfect opportunity to escape.

'Lisbon, it's just bubbles, calm down woman' he said

'I wouldn't push it right now if I were you' she grumbled, sitting down

'Ok, one, two, three' the camera man said, and as he clicked the button, a giant bucket of whipped cream fell over the agents, making them look more like snowmen

'JAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!!' Lisbon yelled, trying to get up and hurt him, but the floor was slippery, causing her to slip, right into Jane's arms.

'Aw Lisbon, you quite literally fell for me' he teased, earning him a well placed fist to his nose

'You just can't make anything easy for us, can you Jane?'

'Afraid not, now, come on, one more picture' he said

'Why, we have had ours'

'We deal with such hard and horrid cases, we need a fun picture' he said smiling

'Fine, last one'

They all posed, arm in arm around each other, and just before the flash, confetti fell down over them

'JAAAAAAAANE!!'

'Uh-oh'

**A/N like? Dislike? Please say =], you know you want to! Reviews are like hot cocoa on a cold day, completely blimmen perfect!**


	4. sick day

**Disclaimer: not owning it, yup, I know**

**A/N random one shot, finally got round to writing. I am so busy at the moment, it's crazy!!! I will update as I can, I hate leaving you guys waiting. Red Ivy high is half written for the next chapter, but it's 11.34pm here at the moment, maybe tomorrow =] read and review**

Grace Van Pelt lay in bed feeling like crap. She had woken up feeling groggy and sore, but still she got dressed for work and stacked up on cold tablets. She walked into the bullpen and sat down at her desk, trying to make sense of the paperwork in front of her. Lisbon was the first one to approach her that day.

'Van Pelt, you ok?' she asked

'Yes, I'm fine boss' she replied, trying to keep her usual Grace perkiness up with her

'No, you aren't'

'Really, I'm fine' Grace said, trying to smile

'No, Van Pelt, you are sick, come on, I will get someone to take you home'

'I can drive myself, I'm fine'

'No, I will get someone to take you, that is an order, you hear'

'Yea boss' Grace sighed

'Cho?' Lisbon asked regarding Grace's way home

'Sorry boss, busy, get Jane to do it' he said

'No way am I having him take me! I actually want to get home' Grace objected quickly

'Fine then, Rigsby, get your coat, you are taking Grace home, go, now' Lisbon ordered

'Yes boss' he said getting his coat

'Get a cab back in' Lisbon said before walking back into her own office

Grace gathered up her things and gave her keys to Rigsby as they walked down stairs to the car park.

'You aren't ok, are you?' he asked her in the elevator

'Woke up feeling like crap' she explained sighing

'Get some rest, I'm sure you will be better by tomorrow' he said smiling

'Me too' she replied

They got into her car and drove in the direction of her apartment building. He helped her up the stairs and she let herself into her apartment. He was turning out the door to leave when she called out from the couch

'Stay' she said, barely above a whisper

'I have work'

'Just for an hour' she said, her copper eyes pleading

He couldn't say no. He slipped out of his tie, coat and shoes and joined her on the couch, slipping in behind her. She instantly snuggled into his chest.

'Does your stomach hurt?' he asked

'No, my head, feels like someone has hit me in the back of it with a hammer or something' she explained

'Aw baby, I'm sorry' he said kissing the back of her head

Grace snuggled into him, not wanting him to leave

'You want anything to eat or drink?' he asked

'I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to ask that' she muttered

'You are sick, you can't, it's the rules'

'Not fair'

'Sorry, rules are rules, now, you want anything or not?' he asked

'Some orange juice would be nice' she smiled

'Ok, one orange juice coming right up' he said walking into the kitchen

'Thanks love' she called after him

They sat once again on her couch drinking orange juice and watching _friends _reruns

'Lisbon is gonna be wondering where I am' Rigsby said about 40 minutes later

'Let her wonder' Grace said turning around to lie on him, their noses nearly touching

'10 more minutes' he said as Grace started nuzzling his neck

'30' Grace argued

'20, take it or leave it'

'Oh, I will take it, you know I will' she muttered into his ear

'Grace' he groaned

'What?' she said innocently turning her head to one side

'Damn you' he said crushing his lips against hers

Grace snaked her arms around the back of his neck, and kissed him harder, slowly making her way down from his lips to his collarbone, across his shoulders and back up to his lips.

'I love you' he whispered onto her lips

'I love you too' she said back

They were both too locked up in each other to hear someone else enter the unlocked apartment.

'Van Pelt, is Rigsby still here, he is sti- oh my god' Lisbon said as she rounded the corner into the lounge

They instantly sprung apart, looking embarrassed like a couple of high school kids.

'Coz Cho really couldn't do it' she muttered 'Rigsby, get your stuff back on, you have work, Van Pelt, get better soon' she said, bringing a disappointed Rigsby with her. He quickly grabbed his tie by the couch and whispered in Grace's ear

'I will be back after work, get well soon, I love you' he said

Grace smiled as they walked off, and pulled a comforter over her and snuggled down, watching friends, and inhaling the scent of Wayne Rigsby, her one and only

**A/N the funny thing is that I came up with this when I was sick myself haha, the ways my mind works, it's fascinating =]**


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